That’s not my children’s book

That's not my carMy son Samuel, who is 9 months old, has a book called “That’s not my car”.  Each page has a picture of a car on it, with wording along the lines of “That’s not my car, its windows are too shiny.”  Each car has a different tactile surface somewhere on it, illustrating the point.  The final page rejoices with “That’s my car! It’s bumpers are so squishy.”  Samuel loves it.  In fact it’s such a fantastic concept (stolen, no doubt, from Terry Pratchet’s Thud!) that children’s book shelves are now overflowing with variants on this theme.  That’s not my dinosaur.  That’s not my train.  That’s not my dog.  And so on.

And it got me to thinking – what titles might I have suggested if I had been in the publishing company’s board meeting when they were deciding to extend the range?  Here are a few possibilities, very few of which would have made it to print.

  • That’s not my telephone bill.
  • That’s not my tax return form.
  • That’s not my computer.
  • That’s not my underwear.
  • That’s not my cup of tea.
  • That’s not my potato.
  • That’s not my cardboard cut-out of David Tennant.
  • That’s not my religion.
  • That’s not my offspring.
  • That’s not my fingerprint.
  • That’s not my P45.
  • That’s not my wife.
  • That’s not my English upright Rosewood piano with brass candle-holders.
  • That’s not my reflection.
  • That’s not my opinion.
  • That’s not my hastily drawn sketch of a woman of indeterminate nationality riding bare-back on an Indian elephant over the Himalayan mountains in June.
  • That’s not my alphabet.

I could go on.  But I won’t.  What would you add to the list?

4 thoughts on “That’s not my children’s book

  1. That’s not my name
    That’s not my thermonuclear device
    That’s not my microwaved hamster
    That’s not my turnip
    That’s not my bazooka
    That’s not my Sherlock fan fiction
    That’s not my expensive hi-fi (or at least, it had better not be)
    That’s not my gun cabinet
    That’s not my war room
    That’s not my “That’s not my…” book

    Just a few ideas.


  2. Hey, that’s *my* cardboard cut-out of David Tennant. I wondered where that had gone!

    On a slightly more serious note, I love this book range, I get to read them to Makaila. That’s not my penguin/kitten/robot, etc.

    Other suggestions:

    That’s not my Church
    That’s not my guitar
    That’s not my DVD collection
    That’s not my Doctor (Who)
    That’s not my Sherlock

    And so on…


  3. There’s millions of books in that series….personally I suspect Terry stole the idea from the books not vice versa.

    Is there that’s not my motorbike yet?


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